If you and your spouse are going your separate ways, understanding your conflict management style can make a significant difference in how you navigate the divorce process—both legally and emotionally.
Whether your divorce is amicable or contested, self-awareness around how you handle conflict can improve communication, reduce stress and promote better decision-making.
Know thyself
Some common conflict management styles include avoidance, accommodation, competition, compromise and collaboration. Each has strengths and drawbacks in the context of divorce. For example, someone with an avoidant style might steer clear of difficult conversations, hoping issues will resolve on their own. While this may prevent immediate tension, it can also lead to unresolved issues that surface later in court or co-parenting relationships.
On the other hand, a person with a competitive style may insist on “winning” every argument. While assertiveness has its place, this approach can escalate disputes and make it harder to reach a fair settlement. Conversely, an accommodating style may lead someone to give in too easily, potentially allowing them to agree to terms that don’t serve their long-term interests.
Compromise and collaboration are generally more effective strategies during divorce. Compromise involves give-and-take and can help both parties reach a mutually acceptable resolution, even if neither gets everything they want. Collaboration goes a step further—focusing on open communication and creative problem-solving to meet both parties’ needs. These approaches are particularly valuable in divorces involving children, where preserving a functional co-parenting relationship is important.
Understanding your style doesn’t mean you have to change who you are—but it can help you adjust your behavior to better serve your goals. For instance, if you know you tend to avoid conflict, you might prepare for key conversations or bring in a mediator to help guide the dialogue. If you’re highly assertive, you might benefit from strategies that help you listen more actively and respond with empathy.
